I finally started talking about my grandmother's condition to a friend or two. I realize that although I am not an extremely private person, I can be. I am a private person about things that really matter to me. I have to let people in to discuss emotional things. I can shoot the shit about myself, my life all day. However, family strikes a nerve because it has been so volatile for so long. I also don't trust a lot of people, especially in law school. Oh hey, competitor. This part of my life super sucks... talk about an invitation for sabotage, especially with the ill-mannered people at my school.
But, it's gotten a lot better. I think a lot of it came from me. I excuse a lot of what I consider pernicious behavior. I am sure my behavior from last year was excused, too, so it's only fair. But in all seriousness, law school bull aside, my grandma is back in rehab (she broke her arm, she's been sober since I'm born) and my parents are finally looking into a nursing home, even though it seems like this is the end of the road.
My grandma was a character. I know she isn't dead yet but might as well be, she has the end stages of dimentia/alzheimer's. Sometimes there are glimpses of her but it's rare these days. We were best buddies when I was little. My grandma is a hilarious leo with a love for animals and family. On that level we have a LOT in common. However, she was also a raging alcoholic with the worst mood swings. She was stubborn, independent, and outspoken often to a fault. However, I notice we share a lot of those qualities, too. I don't put myself down as much as she did and I don't drink like she did. I also have more compassion and my mean streak is NOTHING like her. In fact, from ages 10-21 we did not get along. It's sad that for 11 years of my life I remember avoiding her like the plague.
I know she was still struggling with my grandfather's death, getting older, and facing the music that at some point she would have to come home to NY. She moved to Florida to escape the cold (another distaste I share with her). When she finally hit her head in the bowling alley and suffered a traumatic brain injury, it sparked this current condition. Doctor's can't point to a specific tipping point of her current state but all we knew at that time was that it was degenerative. I remember my mom called me, it happened my sophmore year of high school. She was crying and told me grandma was having emergency brain surgery. My mom got mad at me for making a joke, "oh that's what brain surgeons are for. I always wondered why we give them so much credit." But as usual, my mom said it wasn't a time to joke although she appreciated my efforts... whatever. My mom and uncle flew down to Florida and took care of that.
I was really upset when I was told my grandma was moving in. I knew it was the beginning of the end, not only for my grandma but for my family. My mom and grandma do not get along AT ALL even though they rely on each other and love each other. It's like they feed off of the toxicity. My grandma got nastier and nastier as she got older. My mom put her through therapy for the post-TBI issues that would arise. Alzheimer's often changes family dynamics. Because I was the last person my grandma fought a lot with in the family, you can imagine how the dynamic affected me. What bothered me more was how my grandmother would scream at my father, who was literally picking her up off the ground most of the time. My grandmother's balance was shot to shit after the accident.
I hate seeing my dad yelled at. He's the glue that holds my perfectly dysfunctional family together and he's one of my best friends, if not my best friend. He understands my relationship with the women in my family and how I have no patience for their soap operas. But, all of a sudden, I realized that I was probably moving to law school soon and should probably change this dynamic. Time to start making as many memories as possible before I move. I know my parents were mad that I was moving because they were losing one of her babysitter's... not that I babysat a lot anyway. I am very selfish with my time as a student and young adult. I know my parents sacrificed a lot for their parents when they were my age but I was always told they made their lives better to make ours better, so I would not play anyone's keeper. I held them to that promise much to their chagrin.
I realized my grandma and I share a morbid, sarcastic sense of humor at times. She's a lot meaner than I, but I could appease to make her happy as her brain is shutting off permanently, right? So I began cracking jokes, telling her about my parties, guys I was dating, etc. I realized she just wanted me to tell her things, even if she asked me the same questions over and over. She always wanted a relationship with me, it was just soured by my inability to let her in to my life because of her bad behavior and because I saw the effect it had on my mom.
Through this process, I realized my grandma is a tortured soul. She had a rough childhood and although it doesn't excuse my grandmother, I can see why she chose the booze for years. Being raised by nuns in an orphanage during the great depression while her mom scrambled to make ends meet, it makes sense. I just wish my mom got the therapy she needed during all of this. It's hard to be the sandwich generation, but she took the role of martyr instead and continually lashed out on her kids. It's hard to go home, so hard I avoid it. My mom has learned to blame everyone else for everything, and takes little accountability for her bad attitude. When prompted about it, she just cries and lashes out. Not a very productive relationship and I know time might heal the wound, but I'm tired of trying with her.
My family dwells. broods. stews. I have some of that quality, which is why I'm still angry with them about how they are handling this grandma shit. However, I chose to handle it and let go, let God. At some point we all knew grandma was going to go.
We should've filed her medicaid papers ages ago. We should've taken serious steps to put her on waiting lists for nursing homes so by the time this last fall to the floor happened, she'd be next. I'm a planner. I understand that my parents thought it was not the right time, ever, to do anything, but avoiding the logistics and dwelling on the emotions didn't solve shit. Now we're all sitting around scrambling to change the status of her trust, prepare funeral arrangements, and to find a place for her. My parents both work and my brother goes to undergrad. I found out this past break that he misses work to take care of grandma on fall to the floor days. It pissed me off. I love and respect my brother so much for doing that but he did NOT have to take off of school to do that. My parents took my grandma in, this is their responsibility. My brother is going through what I refused to go through, giving up his shot at making his life even better than what we had to babysit a woman who could die on his watch.
We're now preparing for the end being so near. I doubt that I will be home or able to make the funeral but I'm saving for it. Everyone knows if you don't make a funeral for my small, retarded branch of the big Casey clan, you're in serious trouble and will be shunned by the ever-so-unforgiving mother of mine. You just don't want the drama from her. I know she doesn't mean it but the woman is a lot like her mother whether she wants to admit it or not. She blames other people she doesn't like in that moment for being like her mother, but my mom learned that behavior somewhere and it sure doesn't come from the generation below...
I am going to let the wounds try to heal and I will try to avoid my family's pleas for phone calls that dwell on things that we can't control. I tend to be tough about things because I've dealt with my mom's tears my whole life. I think that's why I cry so much when I get physically hurt! But, I know it freaks my family out that I've already made amends with my grandma and that I know how to deal with her. I don't let her jabs stick anymore. I don't let theirs stick either. Ya piss me off, fuck you. And that's that in that moment. Nothing more, nothing less. I have a threshold of tolerance for bad behavior. This death is truly showing some behaviors I thought I'd never see and it's only pending. I only hope my family softens up when grandma passes. Her death is only about them because they've chosen to make their life all about her. I wonder if a part of them will die when she dies because they associate so much with her illness. I can only imagine how many times their issues are blamed on her illness. Maybe we all have an edge because that's just in the genes? We are Irish you know.
Anyway, I was just inspired to write about this as I try to sort out my own life. I hope I have my grandma's zest for life with my nanny's compassion and my nana's know-how. Yea man, this chick had three grandmothers growing up and I loved it. I learned a little bit about life from all of them, even though my nanny died when I was a toddler. I hope to be most like my nana, 95 and going strong with a sharp mind and an even sharper tongue. I feel for her though, she is still with it but her body isn't. I know that's not worse than the inverse but it has to suck to be so independent and with it yet struggle with your daily bodily functions. But I'm not afraid to get old. I'm just afraid to be like my models in life.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Yoga... Noga
I have Tuesdays off from school now. It's beautiful. Especially on a beautiful day like today. I can try to accomplish things like... my new year's resolutions or homework. Well neither are getting done the way I like today and I blame reading ahead for the latter. As far as my new year's resolutions, those are starting to work themselves out.
Honestly, I need to stay committed to dieting. I am a wonderful excuse-maker when it comes to that. For some reason I am able to find a reason to "treat" myself for things that are not important. Gross. I am also going to start seriously cutting out alcohol. I always forget how empty those calories are. A glass of wine from time to time, great. But I tend to do a glass of wine a couple of times a week. I am also refraining from the party scene where I completely lack self-control. Pizza, wine, beer, cheese, salts... bring it... no.
I tried Yoga today. The inspiration for this blog actually. Well that was a fail. I was told by my life coach that yoga will help me balance and relieve stress... I WAS SO STRESSED OUT! First, I am an aural learner so if you tell me to do something I don't really need to see it to do it. I figured a DVD would be excellent for starters. I mean I am in bumblefuck Virginia and we only have one pilates class taught by a girl who seriously needs a cheeseburger. I am obviously trying to lose weight but I would like to have a curve or two and some happiness... so I want to do it on my own while here. Started off excellent. I can do the prayer position, lunges, squatting, what have you. I was an athlete, this is awesome...
Then we transition into practically sex positions that I am obviously not in shape for... God my boyfriend must really love me to put up with how awfully awkward and confused I am. This is when I started to lose it. I sat down and watched the routine because "looking my gaze outward" was not instructive as I was just previously told to "tuck into my navel..." These people must seriously smoke up before doing these DVDs. I was so lost. The sitting then turned into epic frustration. My dog was already under my knees, kicking my legs during my lunges think this was a new game.... and then the yoga-tribe started contorting in ways that were obviously above my skill-level... I looked retarded. The sitting turned into pouting, then the pouting turned into lunchtime.
While watching the yoga people, eating soup on my living room floor with my dog lying there next to me in sheer happiness that I was sharing his claimed area rug, I realized I had no idea what was in this soup I was eating. It tasted amazing, Chicken corn chowder, but I had no idea what the ingredients were or anything. Then it hit me, I had a conversation at this trashy local gastropub on Saturday with a girl who lost 20 pounds... She looks amazing and I thought, even if I lost 10 pounds of my desired 30, I would be so happy. She told me it was a mind trick for her "food is fuel not a fun thing." Damn...
I make food such a fun part of my day. I plan meals, which sounds healthy but in my eyes it's how much flavor can I get out of my meals... and I also love sweets. I blame the sweets on new medication and law school stress because prior to this experience and prior to my surgery, I was all into organics and being a lean machine. (the surgery was for a big cyst that released estrogen. gross)
So I re-registered my account for daily calorie counting, finished the oreos and said, "That's it, done." I am getting to the end of my groceries in the next 2 weeks anyway so when I go back shopping I can start fresh. I saved the healthy stuff from my last trip anyway so now I only have healthier foods to choose from.
To be honest though, I hate getting advice from people already doing this successfully. I do better when no one really inputs to my process. It's kinda embarrassing to me that I am such a yo-yo dieter. I feel like I was a vegetarian for so long and was once studying to be a part of the health profession, it's pretty mortifying that I can't stop ingesting what I know is digusting. I hate that I am someone who turns to food for comfort and someone who genuinely loves a good brownie when I'm crying over chick flicks once a month...
So I am not only adopting this "food is fuel, not a treat" attitude, but I am changing things around my apartment. I put the fattest picture of myself I could find on the fridge. I wrote on my whiteboard to remind myself my maximum calorie intake allowed and to check off what kinda exercise I plan to do today. I also wrote an uplifting message to myself on the mirror and I hung my skinny jeans up in a spot I can see them everyday.
I honestly hate the girls that can do this so easily. I don't want your input, I don't want your tricks. It's obviously working for you. I need to find me and nurture me in a way that I can get where I am... when I'm there maybe we can exchange tricks of how we eat celery sticks instead of cheez-its or something. I just can't stand skinny girls with advice, I'm not asking... I'm just doing.
Yoga, Noga.
Honestly, I need to stay committed to dieting. I am a wonderful excuse-maker when it comes to that. For some reason I am able to find a reason to "treat" myself for things that are not important. Gross. I am also going to start seriously cutting out alcohol. I always forget how empty those calories are. A glass of wine from time to time, great. But I tend to do a glass of wine a couple of times a week. I am also refraining from the party scene where I completely lack self-control. Pizza, wine, beer, cheese, salts... bring it... no.
I tried Yoga today. The inspiration for this blog actually. Well that was a fail. I was told by my life coach that yoga will help me balance and relieve stress... I WAS SO STRESSED OUT! First, I am an aural learner so if you tell me to do something I don't really need to see it to do it. I figured a DVD would be excellent for starters. I mean I am in bumblefuck Virginia and we only have one pilates class taught by a girl who seriously needs a cheeseburger. I am obviously trying to lose weight but I would like to have a curve or two and some happiness... so I want to do it on my own while here. Started off excellent. I can do the prayer position, lunges, squatting, what have you. I was an athlete, this is awesome...
Then we transition into practically sex positions that I am obviously not in shape for... God my boyfriend must really love me to put up with how awfully awkward and confused I am. This is when I started to lose it. I sat down and watched the routine because "looking my gaze outward" was not instructive as I was just previously told to "tuck into my navel..." These people must seriously smoke up before doing these DVDs. I was so lost. The sitting then turned into epic frustration. My dog was already under my knees, kicking my legs during my lunges think this was a new game.... and then the yoga-tribe started contorting in ways that were obviously above my skill-level... I looked retarded. The sitting turned into pouting, then the pouting turned into lunchtime.
While watching the yoga people, eating soup on my living room floor with my dog lying there next to me in sheer happiness that I was sharing his claimed area rug, I realized I had no idea what was in this soup I was eating. It tasted amazing, Chicken corn chowder, but I had no idea what the ingredients were or anything. Then it hit me, I had a conversation at this trashy local gastropub on Saturday with a girl who lost 20 pounds... She looks amazing and I thought, even if I lost 10 pounds of my desired 30, I would be so happy. She told me it was a mind trick for her "food is fuel not a fun thing." Damn...
I make food such a fun part of my day. I plan meals, which sounds healthy but in my eyes it's how much flavor can I get out of my meals... and I also love sweets. I blame the sweets on new medication and law school stress because prior to this experience and prior to my surgery, I was all into organics and being a lean machine. (the surgery was for a big cyst that released estrogen. gross)
So I re-registered my account for daily calorie counting, finished the oreos and said, "That's it, done." I am getting to the end of my groceries in the next 2 weeks anyway so when I go back shopping I can start fresh. I saved the healthy stuff from my last trip anyway so now I only have healthier foods to choose from.
To be honest though, I hate getting advice from people already doing this successfully. I do better when no one really inputs to my process. It's kinda embarrassing to me that I am such a yo-yo dieter. I feel like I was a vegetarian for so long and was once studying to be a part of the health profession, it's pretty mortifying that I can't stop ingesting what I know is digusting. I hate that I am someone who turns to food for comfort and someone who genuinely loves a good brownie when I'm crying over chick flicks once a month...
So I am not only adopting this "food is fuel, not a treat" attitude, but I am changing things around my apartment. I put the fattest picture of myself I could find on the fridge. I wrote on my whiteboard to remind myself my maximum calorie intake allowed and to check off what kinda exercise I plan to do today. I also wrote an uplifting message to myself on the mirror and I hung my skinny jeans up in a spot I can see them everyday.
I honestly hate the girls that can do this so easily. I don't want your input, I don't want your tricks. It's obviously working for you. I need to find me and nurture me in a way that I can get where I am... when I'm there maybe we can exchange tricks of how we eat celery sticks instead of cheez-its or something. I just can't stand skinny girls with advice, I'm not asking... I'm just doing.
Yoga, Noga.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Fur, Trends, and Shallow
It all started with those furry vests...
Don't look for more honor than your learning merits. ~Jewish Proverb
Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength. ~Eric Hoffer
Friendship isn't a big thing - it's a million little things. ~Author Unknown
Seventy percent of success in life is showing up. ~Woody Allen
I know it goes without saying that all of us, at some level, are judgmental. I know that everyone wants to do his/her best in life, and that we all have our standards. I also know that it is not necessarily a bad thing to have expectations. IT IS, however, a problem to be a pretentious asshole.
It's unfortunate that some people are actually talented, but allow ego to take away from talent. It is also unfortunate that ego eats the shreds of decency these pretentious bums are born with. It's not even like a specific person inspired this post, no one comes to mind actually although if I ruminate I'm sure someone will being that I'm in law school. I just hope that someday, someone who is pretentious will find themself feeling bad about it, realizing the put downs and needless competition were a detriment causing them distance from quality people, and try to resurrect all the people he/she rolled eyes at, or dismissed, or laughed and mocked.
I also notice that most of this is done behind the person's back... making me think pretentious people are not only rude but cowardly. It's not "picking battles" or "avoiding drama" as a pretentious person would say to make themself feel above the situation... it's just plain rude. and cowardly... Also makes me wonder how often pretention is a cover for insecurity?
Last night I had a wonderful night with my girlfriends. One came from NC to put on a spa day for my friends. I give her credit, it is hard to get a group of tense women in law school to sit still and talk about buying shit. If it was a relaxed forum, it would be all we'd talk about. But once you assign a theme to a conversation, it's like law students have an inherent need to not adhere to it! It was great, but now I am attached to my bed with my dog and laptop unable to do anything today from being so tired... it was exhausting to discuss so many things and reconnect with friends I haven't hung out with since break. I realized, I am just drained dry of efforts. I am burned out socially.
I LOVE scholastics, I love studying, I love work. I love being social, but for some reason it just drains me. I think that I have just been through a lot of transition and I'm still shaky on where I stand in so many ways that I don't even care. I am so authentic about it, but so tired of having to do work about it, too. I just wish everyone made effort all the time and I could take a breather. I have been assertive for so long, and so loyal, and so trying to make it all fit and all work with everyone and everything that I feel like I didn't even hit a wall... I just walked up to it and said, "Okay, proverbial wall, I am not yet hitting you but I will. So let's call it even, and I will stand here and hope everyone else jumps over or around you. Deal?"
I am so thankful for the friends that I have and the independence I've achieved in being social. Last night was stressful but exhilirating. I have such great girlfriends here and I feel closer to them than people I've known my whole life, even if we don't see each other all the time. I've let my guard down, and I like it. I never really needed it, maybe for a short while, but who needs a guard when you have built a defense to bad vibes? Save it for emergencies. I used to be independent, went through some stuff in undergrad, and then became dependent. Now, like me or don't. If I like you and we both decide to let each other in, I am behind you 150%. If you are a shady, pretentious asshole or a depressed basin of drama, I'll see you when you get right.... because I love life right now.
It was liberating the other day to email a few attorneys I've worked with in Utah and hear back that I would be more than welcome there. I am valued. I don't even know-know these people but they want me! I will be an asset in my dream job there. Do I want to go west? I don't know but I might. My life is mine, I learned I could move anywhere I want to. Joe wants to go anywhere with me. I am so blessed that I am young with options. If my family doesn't approve, I am over the hump of feeling like I need their support. I learned that I don't need anyone, I have me. I'm just lucky to have Joe; we compliment each other and he makes life better. I only hope I make his life better in half the capacity he makes mine.
I guess my parting advice is don't eat chia seeds in excess... you will regret it. Take it one day at a time. Just like life.
Don't look for more honor than your learning merits. ~Jewish Proverb
Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength. ~Eric Hoffer
Friendship isn't a big thing - it's a million little things. ~Author Unknown
Seventy percent of success in life is showing up. ~Woody Allen
I know it goes without saying that all of us, at some level, are judgmental. I know that everyone wants to do his/her best in life, and that we all have our standards. I also know that it is not necessarily a bad thing to have expectations. IT IS, however, a problem to be a pretentious asshole.
It's unfortunate that some people are actually talented, but allow ego to take away from talent. It is also unfortunate that ego eats the shreds of decency these pretentious bums are born with. It's not even like a specific person inspired this post, no one comes to mind actually although if I ruminate I'm sure someone will being that I'm in law school. I just hope that someday, someone who is pretentious will find themself feeling bad about it, realizing the put downs and needless competition were a detriment causing them distance from quality people, and try to resurrect all the people he/she rolled eyes at, or dismissed, or laughed and mocked.
I also notice that most of this is done behind the person's back... making me think pretentious people are not only rude but cowardly. It's not "picking battles" or "avoiding drama" as a pretentious person would say to make themself feel above the situation... it's just plain rude. and cowardly... Also makes me wonder how often pretention is a cover for insecurity?
Last night I had a wonderful night with my girlfriends. One came from NC to put on a spa day for my friends. I give her credit, it is hard to get a group of tense women in law school to sit still and talk about buying shit. If it was a relaxed forum, it would be all we'd talk about. But once you assign a theme to a conversation, it's like law students have an inherent need to not adhere to it! It was great, but now I am attached to my bed with my dog and laptop unable to do anything today from being so tired... it was exhausting to discuss so many things and reconnect with friends I haven't hung out with since break. I realized, I am just drained dry of efforts. I am burned out socially.
I LOVE scholastics, I love studying, I love work. I love being social, but for some reason it just drains me. I think that I have just been through a lot of transition and I'm still shaky on where I stand in so many ways that I don't even care. I am so authentic about it, but so tired of having to do work about it, too. I just wish everyone made effort all the time and I could take a breather. I have been assertive for so long, and so loyal, and so trying to make it all fit and all work with everyone and everything that I feel like I didn't even hit a wall... I just walked up to it and said, "Okay, proverbial wall, I am not yet hitting you but I will. So let's call it even, and I will stand here and hope everyone else jumps over or around you. Deal?"
I am so thankful for the friends that I have and the independence I've achieved in being social. Last night was stressful but exhilirating. I have such great girlfriends here and I feel closer to them than people I've known my whole life, even if we don't see each other all the time. I've let my guard down, and I like it. I never really needed it, maybe for a short while, but who needs a guard when you have built a defense to bad vibes? Save it for emergencies. I used to be independent, went through some stuff in undergrad, and then became dependent. Now, like me or don't. If I like you and we both decide to let each other in, I am behind you 150%. If you are a shady, pretentious asshole or a depressed basin of drama, I'll see you when you get right.... because I love life right now.
It was liberating the other day to email a few attorneys I've worked with in Utah and hear back that I would be more than welcome there. I am valued. I don't even know-know these people but they want me! I will be an asset in my dream job there. Do I want to go west? I don't know but I might. My life is mine, I learned I could move anywhere I want to. Joe wants to go anywhere with me. I am so blessed that I am young with options. If my family doesn't approve, I am over the hump of feeling like I need their support. I learned that I don't need anyone, I have me. I'm just lucky to have Joe; we compliment each other and he makes life better. I only hope I make his life better in half the capacity he makes mine.
I guess my parting advice is don't eat chia seeds in excess... you will regret it. Take it one day at a time. Just like life.
My hero, always.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
I was told this winter that I ought to write stream of conscience. Start with a to-do list and watch what it turns in to... I didn't realize this would surface on a snowy day watching movies with my dog. I know I should outline, I should finish my laundry, and I should also stop making up recipes and trying them out (that also goes against eating healthy, another suggestion by my spiritual life coach). So as I'm going through this, I didn't realize I would be inspired to blog. I know a few of my classmates already blog... some of them very recently. This is just my space, for my ideas. My inspirations. Things I like to share that I can never find a forum to do so.
Facebook is just a way to keep up to date with friends and family. The note typing aspect of it is pretty lame. To be honest, this blog will probably be boring... with a rant or two sprinkled with humorous things. Maybe you'll see what inspires me. It might just be a time capsule of my inspirations through the crazy process of law school. You'll also see lots of pictures of Murphy, my dog. He is a blessing I never thought I'd get. My boyfriend, Joe, and I bought him last year as a Christmas gift to me. I think everyone in law school ought to have a pet. It's a living being that is devoted to you and doesn't talk back. So while everyone else is gunning in class and writing passive aggressive posts on either facebook or twitter (I am often guilty... I'll take one for the team), a dog is man's best friend who waits for you every morning to start the day and spends otherwise lonely nights with you watching TV and cuddling.
I think this blog will be healthy for me. It is totally self-serving and I honestly don't care about feedback or comments... everyone's welcome but honestly this is my journal. I like typing more than a paper journal only because I need to get my typing speed up and I need to type without relying on spell check so much... the law student has surfaced again!
I am awkward, funny, smart, and honest. I have a wonderful boyfriend who I could imagine not knowing at this point. I also speak in double negatives, thanks to the South. You already know about Murphy... and you may or may not hear ramblings about my absolutely lovable yet absolutely frustrating family. I am in transition with friends. My law school friends are back and forth sometimes, but my close ones at school have become family. As for what I left at home, I am trying to see how it will all fit in my new life when I hopefully graduate. I am petrified of the bar exam and started an organization on campus to help others go through this fear, of the Beltway region of course. I would love to take the MD bar, land an EPA job, or do any type of agency law for that matter... I feel that my purpose is to help the government and encourage agencies to do the right thing instead of falling victim to Congress' intent alone. After all, they are recognized by SCOTUS as the superior know-how of technical information within the bounds of Congress. It's a lofty goal and maybe I am still a naive child of the law, but I want to teach lawyers about the climate and force education on climate change law to the public... But I hate this Congress. and I hate that they took away subsidized loans.
But that rant... still needs development. So let's keep it light, dutch. Welcome if you're reading this, but welcome to me, to explore and have fun with my inspirations, thoughts, and mishappenings.
Peggy: Well, there is one thing that brings warmth to my heart.
[pause]
Peggy: Duckbill platypus.
Maggie Carpenter: No... that's only funny at Camp Birchwood in the tent at three in the morning and it's raining and my leg is the pole! That's the only time that's funny.
Peggy: Let's just give it a try.
Facebook is just a way to keep up to date with friends and family. The note typing aspect of it is pretty lame. To be honest, this blog will probably be boring... with a rant or two sprinkled with humorous things. Maybe you'll see what inspires me. It might just be a time capsule of my inspirations through the crazy process of law school. You'll also see lots of pictures of Murphy, my dog. He is a blessing I never thought I'd get. My boyfriend, Joe, and I bought him last year as a Christmas gift to me. I think everyone in law school ought to have a pet. It's a living being that is devoted to you and doesn't talk back. So while everyone else is gunning in class and writing passive aggressive posts on either facebook or twitter (I am often guilty... I'll take one for the team), a dog is man's best friend who waits for you every morning to start the day and spends otherwise lonely nights with you watching TV and cuddling.
I think this blog will be healthy for me. It is totally self-serving and I honestly don't care about feedback or comments... everyone's welcome but honestly this is my journal. I like typing more than a paper journal only because I need to get my typing speed up and I need to type without relying on spell check so much... the law student has surfaced again!
I am awkward, funny, smart, and honest. I have a wonderful boyfriend who I could imagine not knowing at this point. I also speak in double negatives, thanks to the South. You already know about Murphy... and you may or may not hear ramblings about my absolutely lovable yet absolutely frustrating family. I am in transition with friends. My law school friends are back and forth sometimes, but my close ones at school have become family. As for what I left at home, I am trying to see how it will all fit in my new life when I hopefully graduate. I am petrified of the bar exam and started an organization on campus to help others go through this fear, of the Beltway region of course. I would love to take the MD bar, land an EPA job, or do any type of agency law for that matter... I feel that my purpose is to help the government and encourage agencies to do the right thing instead of falling victim to Congress' intent alone. After all, they are recognized by SCOTUS as the superior know-how of technical information within the bounds of Congress. It's a lofty goal and maybe I am still a naive child of the law, but I want to teach lawyers about the climate and force education on climate change law to the public... But I hate this Congress. and I hate that they took away subsidized loans.
But that rant... still needs development. So let's keep it light, dutch. Welcome if you're reading this, but welcome to me, to explore and have fun with my inspirations, thoughts, and mishappenings.
Peggy: Well, there is one thing that brings warmth to my heart.
[pause]
Peggy: Duckbill platypus.
Maggie Carpenter: No... that's only funny at Camp Birchwood in the tent at three in the morning and it's raining and my leg is the pole! That's the only time that's funny.
Peggy: Let's just give it a try.
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