Don't look for more honor than your learning merits. ~Jewish Proverb
Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength. ~Eric Hoffer
Friendship isn't a big thing - it's a million little things. ~Author Unknown
Seventy percent of success in life is showing up. ~Woody Allen
I know it goes without saying that all of us, at some level, are judgmental. I know that everyone wants to do his/her best in life, and that we all have our standards. I also know that it is not necessarily a bad thing to have expectations. IT IS, however, a problem to be a pretentious asshole.
It's unfortunate that some people are actually talented, but allow ego to take away from talent. It is also unfortunate that ego eats the shreds of decency these pretentious bums are born with. It's not even like a specific person inspired this post, no one comes to mind actually although if I ruminate I'm sure someone will being that I'm in law school. I just hope that someday, someone who is pretentious will find themself feeling bad about it, realizing the put downs and needless competition were a detriment causing them distance from quality people, and try to resurrect all the people he/she rolled eyes at, or dismissed, or laughed and mocked.
I also notice that most of this is done behind the person's back... making me think pretentious people are not only rude but cowardly. It's not "picking battles" or "avoiding drama" as a pretentious person would say to make themself feel above the situation... it's just plain rude. and cowardly... Also makes me wonder how often pretention is a cover for insecurity?
Last night I had a wonderful night with my girlfriends. One came from NC to put on a spa day for my friends. I give her credit, it is hard to get a group of tense women in law school to sit still and talk about buying shit. If it was a relaxed forum, it would be all we'd talk about. But once you assign a theme to a conversation, it's like law students have an inherent need to not adhere to it! It was great, but now I am attached to my bed with my dog and laptop unable to do anything today from being so tired... it was exhausting to discuss so many things and reconnect with friends I haven't hung out with since break. I realized, I am just drained dry of efforts. I am burned out socially.
I LOVE scholastics, I love studying, I love work. I love being social, but for some reason it just drains me. I think that I have just been through a lot of transition and I'm still shaky on where I stand in so many ways that I don't even care. I am so authentic about it, but so tired of having to do work about it, too. I just wish everyone made effort all the time and I could take a breather. I have been assertive for so long, and so loyal, and so trying to make it all fit and all work with everyone and everything that I feel like I didn't even hit a wall... I just walked up to it and said, "Okay, proverbial wall, I am not yet hitting you but I will. So let's call it even, and I will stand here and hope everyone else jumps over or around you. Deal?"
I am so thankful for the friends that I have and the independence I've achieved in being social. Last night was stressful but exhilirating. I have such great girlfriends here and I feel closer to them than people I've known my whole life, even if we don't see each other all the time. I've let my guard down, and I like it. I never really needed it, maybe for a short while, but who needs a guard when you have built a defense to bad vibes? Save it for emergencies. I used to be independent, went through some stuff in undergrad, and then became dependent. Now, like me or don't. If I like you and we both decide to let each other in, I am behind you 150%. If you are a shady, pretentious asshole or a depressed basin of drama, I'll see you when you get right.... because I love life right now.
It was liberating the other day to email a few attorneys I've worked with in Utah and hear back that I would be more than welcome there. I am valued. I don't even know-know these people but they want me! I will be an asset in my dream job there. Do I want to go west? I don't know but I might. My life is mine, I learned I could move anywhere I want to. Joe wants to go anywhere with me. I am so blessed that I am young with options. If my family doesn't approve, I am over the hump of feeling like I need their support. I learned that I don't need anyone, I have me. I'm just lucky to have Joe; we compliment each other and he makes life better. I only hope I make his life better in half the capacity he makes mine.
I guess my parting advice is don't eat chia seeds in excess... you will regret it. Take it one day at a time. Just like life.
My hero, always.
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