Find your lobster.
Make your life happy.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Con law and life.
So, my apartment is clean, my 12 hour study days are back in full force, and my walmart trips are more frequent. I unfortunately have a weird thing going on that I'm hoping I don't have to go to a doctor about but I will wait... I am doing my best to stay relaxed. It's almost impossible right now, and I've had a freakout or two... but I am doing well not being a rancid bitch. I'm pretty sure this is because I am making great choices, I'm mildly secluded, and I am almost done with the semester. I may be stressed about finals but I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I just wish I was even more prepared for finals. I am saving myself from burning out though.
I decided to devote my day to Con Law. Why? I have no clue. I am trying to learn and study, etc... but all I want to do is sleep. I am so tired! So I am listening to lectures for the exam. I've been studying with new people and it makes law school so much fun! The learning that goes on in study groups is great, but the jokes are even better! I love that people study through joking like I do. I mean, I'm not really gonna know how beneficial this is until the exam results are released but I have a good feeling!
I wish I could work out more. I'm getting some finals chub. But, I'd rather be a fat lawyer than a skinny failout. I just have to accept that right now, sitting on my couch listening to lectures, or sitting at the table listening, or sitting at a table reading, sitting sitting sitting is OKAY. I don't want to fail out for vanity sake.
But, g2g read and learn and study and stuff... happy Sunday!
I decided to devote my day to Con Law. Why? I have no clue. I am trying to learn and study, etc... but all I want to do is sleep. I am so tired! So I am listening to lectures for the exam. I've been studying with new people and it makes law school so much fun! The learning that goes on in study groups is great, but the jokes are even better! I love that people study through joking like I do. I mean, I'm not really gonna know how beneficial this is until the exam results are released but I have a good feeling!
I wish I could work out more. I'm getting some finals chub. But, I'd rather be a fat lawyer than a skinny failout. I just have to accept that right now, sitting on my couch listening to lectures, or sitting at the table listening, or sitting at a table reading, sitting sitting sitting is OKAY. I don't want to fail out for vanity sake.
But, g2g read and learn and study and stuff... happy Sunday!
Friday, April 13, 2012
Coffee and Gotye
I pulled an Irish Goodbye last night. It felt awful but I was beyond tired and wasn't even spunky enough to interact! I am popping Vitamin C's and hoping that this exhaustion is not a pending cold.. this happened last semester!
It did feel good to wake up and work on flashcards instead of getting home late and feeling the need to sleep in too long. Quick study break with my new obsession Gotye and a shower... thank God for Coffee! :)
Steven Tyler and I have this song on loop!
It did feel good to wake up and work on flashcards instead of getting home late and feeling the need to sleep in too long. Quick study break with my new obsession Gotye and a shower... thank God for Coffee! :)
Steven Tyler and I have this song on loop!
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Gloria!
Happy Easter, blog friends! And what an Easter it has been...
For starters, Joe was here this weekend and it was by far the most stressful, yet best time. I have been just this ball of nerves with my grandma being so sick, being homesick, Murphy acting up, feeling lonely at school, and of course FINALS. Joe's car broke down on the way in to town. I thought I was going to die. Luckily, Joe knows me enough to make me his last phone call after there's a plan in action, things are okay, and I can't spiral into further panic. It worries me so much when he travels. I feel so responsible when things don't go right. If it weren't for me living in bumblefuck, would he have these issues? Would he be taking this much time out of his life? I don't know. And I have to stop worrying because after 3 years, it's obvious he's not going anywhere and he enjoys the drama of our life together.
I've actually stopped hanging out with people who have overly-guessed the strength of Joe and I. I can appreciate a good challenge from time to time because I'm secure in my relationship. Joe and I have had many trials and tribulations... we're 23/24 and live 9 hours apart, trying to build our careers... it's bound to be dynamic and dramatic. But there are a few people who prodded too much, hurt my feelings, and I'm over it. You're either on the Joe and Katie bandwagon or you're not because he is the best thing to happen to me and I am lucky to have such great support. The stuff we fight over has been building a foundation and I'd rather sort it out now than be quiet, unhappy down the line knocked up in a kitchen wishing we addressed these issues in our earlier years.
About support, I was very unfair to my friend. We went to Easter mass with him and his girlfriend, Mandy Jo. I was very nervous about this relationship because she was so fresh out of an engagement with what seemed like her college sweetheart... But I learned so much these past 2-3 days and realized that I was being a total hypocrite: Mandy and Dom are adorable and Mandy has been through some serious shit. Mandy had issues with a dear, dear friend of mine, Mel. But I wasn't too involved, I was just appalled at what I was hearing. I seriously think that those issues were happening when* Mandy was trying to keep things together during a tough time she didn't publicize, and I won't publicize, and rightfully so. I don't know how I would handle an evangelist ego-maniac, or feeling forced to marry. I thought that was way of Mandy playing the blame game, and I just feel so bad for thinking that she was making it up.
I guess that's what happens when you're best friend starts dating someone, you worry a lot that they won't get hurt. I know I am always victim to it and sometimes I distance so much from the potential life-destroyer that it ruins my friendships. I mean, to be fair, myself and most of my friends haven't had the best track record to date. I am trying to keep an open mind but I go to a school where people cheat on each other, drink ALL the time, have "school buddies" and boyfriends/girlfriends back home, etc. I didn't really experience this too much in undergrad. For the most part, everyone was extremely outright about everything and you could tell who was good people and who was not right at first glance. Down here, there seem to be wolves in sheep's clothing and I hope and pray my friends don't find them. I've seen my best friends' life destroyed by domestic violence, jealousy, binge drinking, etc. So I know where the spiral winds up. I'm sure it's hard for my friends to see my response to their dating: I'm not their mom, I have no say, and I shouldn't care. I've just seen so much in my life, even though I am super young, and I fear that my friends are going to get hurt (especially when they buddy up with someone who's already hurt them... THAT'S THE WORST. My friend just married that guy).
Luckily, Joe is my person and we've grown a lot as a couple*. At Easter dinner, someone told us we were very well-suited for each other, in a healthy, positive way. That made me happy. Since my life-changing awful break up and transfer of undergrads, I've been working hard to be healthy, stay healthy and to do the right thing. I filtered out a lot of shitty people and tried to stay open-minded. I am no longer half as guarded as I used to be and I've let down my false ego enough so people see I'm normal. I enjoy the day to day, my dog, studying, writing, and learning. It was amazing to share Easter dinner with my new circle of friends. I am blessed to have so many friends from NY*, NJ, VA, and WV. It was truly a hilarious dinner. Murphy played with his best friend Rocky. We had enough food for our small army of 10 and we ate dessert to boot! We had great dinner convo and everyone left after 3 hours so we could begin our excursion to the Vigil.
The Vigil was some powerful stuff. The Gregorian chanting, Primordial fire, Latin, and frankincense... Truly moving. But it was 2 hours and we barely finished the Liturgy of the word (with two more liturgies that follow). So at the 2 hour mark, Dom, Mandy, Joe and I decided we couldn't stay. We had a 2 hour drive back and it was already 10:30pm...
After being in 7 car accidents (give or take a couple) you know the feeling of an impending crash. Looking into headlights going the wrong way, breathing hard, looking around to figure out if it's safe to escape... Well on the way back, a seemingly drunk driver was headed south on the northbound side of the parkway. Dom slowed the car down enough to where we had about 7 seconds to maneuver. The car next to use was slowing down in case the maniac decided to swerve and all I did was look at Joe and breathe really hard. I could've sworn we were going to die. Dom luckily moved the car into the next lane and we were okay... Mandy put it best, "I don't know whether I want to puke or cry." That was seriously a life changing moment. I was almost in a full, head on collision on the interstate.
There aren't many things you can say after that happens. Joe managed to break the ice in his big, lovable way. "We are so lucky." We really are. I think we were saved because we were doing the right thing: spending time with our Grundy family, going to church on the big holiday and working hard at school. Joe seems to think God was telling us never to skip on Communion again.... but I really saw it as: You've been struggling with motivation, having self-doubt and worrying about petty things... time to see the bigger picture. Life is a gift, a blessing. I need to stop making other people such a priority. I need to appreciate my life so much more. I need to let go of some hurt and fear that still linger there even if I don't want them to.
This will really be a challenge but I took this near-death experience as a learning moment: Stop. Think. Appreciate. That's precisely what happened during that moment. I stopped, thought about my life, looked at Joe and appreciated that I am living my dream and I have a supportive, loving partner on my journey. This Easter, I had the biggest A-ha moment. Time to crush my competition, crush my inner self-depreciating thoughts, and tell the world like it is: I'm Katie, I am a good person and if you don't see that or appreciate it, you're missing out.
Happy Easter. I hope you are able to avoid oncoming traffic like I was... I hope you find something life changing today. And I hope that if you have something on your mind, you're proactive about it and work on what you think will make you a better person. God Bless :)
For starters, Joe was here this weekend and it was by far the most stressful, yet best time. I have been just this ball of nerves with my grandma being so sick, being homesick, Murphy acting up, feeling lonely at school, and of course FINALS. Joe's car broke down on the way in to town. I thought I was going to die. Luckily, Joe knows me enough to make me his last phone call after there's a plan in action, things are okay, and I can't spiral into further panic. It worries me so much when he travels. I feel so responsible when things don't go right. If it weren't for me living in bumblefuck, would he have these issues? Would he be taking this much time out of his life? I don't know. And I have to stop worrying because after 3 years, it's obvious he's not going anywhere and he enjoys the drama of our life together.
I've actually stopped hanging out with people who have overly-guessed the strength of Joe and I. I can appreciate a good challenge from time to time because I'm secure in my relationship. Joe and I have had many trials and tribulations... we're 23/24 and live 9 hours apart, trying to build our careers... it's bound to be dynamic and dramatic. But there are a few people who prodded too much, hurt my feelings, and I'm over it. You're either on the Joe and Katie bandwagon or you're not because he is the best thing to happen to me and I am lucky to have such great support. The stuff we fight over has been building a foundation and I'd rather sort it out now than be quiet, unhappy down the line knocked up in a kitchen wishing we addressed these issues in our earlier years.
About support, I was very unfair to my friend. We went to Easter mass with him and his girlfriend, Mandy Jo. I was very nervous about this relationship because she was so fresh out of an engagement with what seemed like her college sweetheart... But I learned so much these past 2-3 days and realized that I was being a total hypocrite: Mandy and Dom are adorable and Mandy has been through some serious shit. Mandy had issues with a dear, dear friend of mine, Mel. But I wasn't too involved, I was just appalled at what I was hearing. I seriously think that those issues were happening when* Mandy was trying to keep things together during a tough time she didn't publicize, and I won't publicize, and rightfully so. I don't know how I would handle an evangelist ego-maniac, or feeling forced to marry. I thought that was way of Mandy playing the blame game, and I just feel so bad for thinking that she was making it up.
I guess that's what happens when you're best friend starts dating someone, you worry a lot that they won't get hurt. I know I am always victim to it and sometimes I distance so much from the potential life-destroyer that it ruins my friendships. I mean, to be fair, myself and most of my friends haven't had the best track record to date. I am trying to keep an open mind but I go to a school where people cheat on each other, drink ALL the time, have "school buddies" and boyfriends/girlfriends back home, etc. I didn't really experience this too much in undergrad. For the most part, everyone was extremely outright about everything and you could tell who was good people and who was not right at first glance. Down here, there seem to be wolves in sheep's clothing and I hope and pray my friends don't find them. I've seen my best friends' life destroyed by domestic violence, jealousy, binge drinking, etc. So I know where the spiral winds up. I'm sure it's hard for my friends to see my response to their dating: I'm not their mom, I have no say, and I shouldn't care. I've just seen so much in my life, even though I am super young, and I fear that my friends are going to get hurt (especially when they buddy up with someone who's already hurt them... THAT'S THE WORST. My friend just married that guy).
Luckily, Joe is my person and we've grown a lot as a couple*. At Easter dinner, someone told us we were very well-suited for each other, in a healthy, positive way. That made me happy. Since my life-changing awful break up and transfer of undergrads, I've been working hard to be healthy, stay healthy and to do the right thing. I filtered out a lot of shitty people and tried to stay open-minded. I am no longer half as guarded as I used to be and I've let down my false ego enough so people see I'm normal. I enjoy the day to day, my dog, studying, writing, and learning. It was amazing to share Easter dinner with my new circle of friends. I am blessed to have so many friends from NY*, NJ, VA, and WV. It was truly a hilarious dinner. Murphy played with his best friend Rocky. We had enough food for our small army of 10 and we ate dessert to boot! We had great dinner convo and everyone left after 3 hours so we could begin our excursion to the Vigil.
The Vigil was some powerful stuff. The Gregorian chanting, Primordial fire, Latin, and frankincense... Truly moving. But it was 2 hours and we barely finished the Liturgy of the word (with two more liturgies that follow). So at the 2 hour mark, Dom, Mandy, Joe and I decided we couldn't stay. We had a 2 hour drive back and it was already 10:30pm...
After being in 7 car accidents (give or take a couple) you know the feeling of an impending crash. Looking into headlights going the wrong way, breathing hard, looking around to figure out if it's safe to escape... Well on the way back, a seemingly drunk driver was headed south on the northbound side of the parkway. Dom slowed the car down enough to where we had about 7 seconds to maneuver. The car next to use was slowing down in case the maniac decided to swerve and all I did was look at Joe and breathe really hard. I could've sworn we were going to die. Dom luckily moved the car into the next lane and we were okay... Mandy put it best, "I don't know whether I want to puke or cry." That was seriously a life changing moment. I was almost in a full, head on collision on the interstate.
There aren't many things you can say after that happens. Joe managed to break the ice in his big, lovable way. "We are so lucky." We really are. I think we were saved because we were doing the right thing: spending time with our Grundy family, going to church on the big holiday and working hard at school. Joe seems to think God was telling us never to skip on Communion again.... but I really saw it as: You've been struggling with motivation, having self-doubt and worrying about petty things... time to see the bigger picture. Life is a gift, a blessing. I need to stop making other people such a priority. I need to appreciate my life so much more. I need to let go of some hurt and fear that still linger there even if I don't want them to.
This will really be a challenge but I took this near-death experience as a learning moment: Stop. Think. Appreciate. That's precisely what happened during that moment. I stopped, thought about my life, looked at Joe and appreciated that I am living my dream and I have a supportive, loving partner on my journey. This Easter, I had the biggest A-ha moment. Time to crush my competition, crush my inner self-depreciating thoughts, and tell the world like it is: I'm Katie, I am a good person and if you don't see that or appreciate it, you're missing out.
Happy Easter. I hope you are able to avoid oncoming traffic like I was... I hope you find something life changing today. And I hope that if you have something on your mind, you're proactive about it and work on what you think will make you a better person. God Bless :)
Monday, April 2, 2012
Can you spend a little time? Time is slipping away.
That new song by "Wanted" called "Glad You Came" is my mantra to life right now. Life literally feels like it's slipping by. The spring/summer weather, finals around the corner, Easter this weekend... Someone pump the breaks!!
I am excited that summer is almost here but I am not prepared for finals. I mean I'm waking up at 5pm to study like a mofo, but I should be studying now and what am I doing? Blogging. Luckily, I deleted Facebook. I'm also limiting my Pinterest time... great invention for creative people seeking inspiration, horrible invention for law students craving real life. Twitter, is what it is, and I limit my time there only because I'm not overly thrilled with the concept of summing up my moments in 160 characters or less. Let's face it, I can be long-winded.
You know, someone said that it was pathetic that people have to monitor their time on social media. I think it's a testament to the person's willpower, but everyone has their "thing." Everyone has that aspect of themselves they simply have to be conscious about controlling. I don't think that's pathetic at all. But I am also someone who is extremely sensitive to addicts. I get it... I love talking to people back home, I am also 16 hours away in a completely different world, so I can rationalize my love for social media all the live long day. But making a judgment call is kinda stupid. I guarantee the person that made the comment has something weird that they do that they have no willpower to control, or I like to think they do. Like maybe they have to watch TV naked? Or maybe they have to eat one or two pickles a day? Who are we to judge people bettering themselves? If anything, you should be thanking me I am no longer compulsively checking my status updates and posting things like "I miss home" or "I love peanut butter"... If you haven't already deleted me from your Livefeed.
I am guilty of deleting from LiveFeed. Chances are if you've pissed me off in the last year or two, or any time you post it's something fluffy, or if you're glorifying the Republican party, you're probably on my hide list. I realize I am easily angered, people post fluffy shit all the time, and many people are Republicans, so you can imagine my LiveFeed is nothing short of interesting. You learn a lot about the people you don't normally give the time of day to operating your social networks the way I sometimes choose to operate mine. And it's funny, because someone will say "Have you seen xyz?" and I feel so lost and angered, but oh, hey cybil, you deleted that one when they said they love their boyfriend omgz so much lolz andhearts togetha foreva.... remember?
Anyway, I'm really opening up my eyes to who I am and where I am at in life. I realize, the people I am closest with now has even changed from last year. I either can't keep a good friend, looking more probable these days, or I am morphing too fast to keep a steady friend to keep up with me. Recently, I've reconnected with old music interests (instead of just liking country, I realized I'm a yankee and I can't do songs about cars and dogs all day, although I love country still). I reconnected with my political junkie side. I put that on the back burner because that's what I thought you're supposed to do in law school. I thought you had to forfeit interests. Little did I know, keeping them makes me a so much better person. So what I have to take ten minutes out of my day to see the new releases in the music world? Who cares if I had to look up a recipe or two to take a break from studying piercing of the corporate veil? If that means I fail out, I graciously accept that. I am interested in life and what comes after.
Seriously, it hit me the other day that eventually, I will no longer be a student. Of course I treat every day like a classroom and I'll never close my mind to learning new things ever (and my profession forces us to go to CLEs, yay?) but at some point, tuition will be done. Maybe I'll even be able to afford a small, economic car! Maybe I will have fresh produce that lasts more than 2 days? Or maybe I won't groan at the electrical bill! Someday I will stop worrying, and it will be a wonderful feeling. I'll always be a neurotic worrywort, but THIS worrying will cease.
Joe gets here on Friday. It's wonderful. I am lucky and I find our love precious. (You can delete me from your livefeed now ;) ) I realized some people don't like me because they're jealous. That's cool. I don't need your jealousy. I have great friends, they may change like the tide, but I don't care. I appreciate whoever is team Katie. It's nice. I also have an amazing dog who loves me TOO much. I have a nice postage stamp of an apartment that feels like home more than any place ever has. I have neighbors who follow the "mountain way" and constantly surprise me with how good people can be. Joe loves me without condition. He has his ways about him, but without those idiosyncratic ways, I don't know if our life would be the same. Just like, he puts up with my "OMG FREAKOUT" moments and calm, detached moments, and everything in between. So if people aren't on board or are acting strange, screw you. I'll be here when you get your act together or decide I'm cool again.
I seriously don't get hot or cold people, and I am one of them. I am SO guilty. But, I think even when hot or cold, I'm always warm. I always care. Sometimes I care too much so I shut up and hide inside because I don't want to be anymore vulnerable than my last failed attempt at it. If I withdraw or I'm not open, it's either because you're being a shit lately, I'm mirroring your behavior, or I am just on a break from you. I don't think people know how to unplug from things. I mean I'm blogging feelings right now, again guilty. But sometimes people don't know how to unplug from each other. I don't need to know how you're doing all the time, or what you think all the time. I appreciate updates, but if you do you and I'm not involved, I'd rather be cut out completely. It makes my healing process for the time being easier.
I am sensitive. I think sensitive is hot, honestly. I mean, it means I care. I'd rather care too much than not care at all, no matter how many times I wish the opposite while crying on my bathroom floor listening to something super gay while eating cadbury mini eggs.... you know how that is, don't judge, it's a stressful Easter season. Maybe you drink or exercise when you're at your max.... sometimes I do those things, too. But I have one good cry a week... and then life moves on. It's not depression. That's that, I can't get outta bed shit. No, this is, I AM AT MY MAX and JUST ONE MORE MINUTE OF SHAMELESS CRYING. It's normal. And if you don't believe me watch Everybody Loves Raymond... Deborah explains this feminine need perfectly... and no, wiseass, it's not PMS. It's being an overstressed woman in today's society, surrounded by fakes and phonies, and just needing that outlet to be your genuine human self.
I don't know what I would do without my neighbors this year. Honestly... I think that our town's locals are some of the NICEST people ever. I have never been treated with such kindness. I do miss the NYC edge, and it will be refreshing when I go back but it gets old. Frankly, most of my NY friends and family are kinda rude now. I understand what I must've looked like when I first moved south. I am by no means a southerner, but I'm not really the stereotype of a yankee anymore either. I'm myself. The move down south made me realize that it doesn't matter where you're from, or where you're going, as long as you're trying to be the best self that you can be.
I still try not to curse, but let's be real, some words just feel good. Like letting out that F bomb after you stubbed your newly manicured toes? Yea... c'mon, you know how good that word feels. Or calling a catty bitch a catty bitch... Sometimes you just have to call a spade a spade. And sometimes you forget something important... aw shit. That probably won't ever change even though I know how pedestrian those words make me sound. It's therapeutic when I curse. It's my little way of shaking my fist to the sky and saying "fuck yeah."
But I have to type up the rest of my negotiation agreement. I just had to give my blog some love. I can't wait to see how this blog is going down the line... maybe you'll hear all about the Pennsylvania Bar Exam. Maybe you'll hear about all of these expensive weddings I'm in. Maybe you'll hear about moving back north... but for now, I love ya blog. Enjoy this new song addiction of mine. Because for now, some people are just people I used to know.
Gotye.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
The Port
Well I guess it's been awhile... The updates are:
1. I am staying with the boyfriend this summer
2. I will have a paying legal internship that focuses on my favorite class right now
3. My grandma is successfully in a nursing home that focuses on her disease
4. I am most likely going to be on Shakeology next month
I mean, I can't say I'm not happy. I am. But I am so hard on myself that I'm kicking myself for only studying 4-5 hours a day. Usually I pull 7-8 hour days, but this time around I just couldn't do it, and I feel like now I really need to. I can so make dean's list this semester, but I am so burned out from the stress that I cause myself that I'm worried I won't be able to.
I'm extremely proud of myself though. I did not wait on things like I normally do, I got involved with my friends at school this semester (even though that was an internal challenge... it's almost harder to be social after withdrawing for a bit than just working through it to begin with...). I haven't let people take my happiness, and I have been vocal. I think some relationships I have are still in repair but I know that if people are my friends, then the true ones will work it out with me in due time. I'm not going to force myself or try too hard anymore. I'm satisfied where I'm at in life and those who want to join are invited to.
Joe and I are back to where we needed to be. IT IS AWESOME. He took me out on dates this break, and we saw movies. We hung out with our friends in town... We don't bicker all the time. It's amazing. I think we are just so excited to be a normal couple this summer! lol
Murphy will not leave my side. He is obsessed with me and I love it.
Having this interview today, I truly feel motivated again. I feel like I am back on track, and that my resume will be where it needs to be when I graduate. I love that I am appreciated and that my hard work is noticed. I definitely need to work on my stress and nerves; my first interview was painfully awkward. However, I am also really young. I tend to forget that I am a lot younger than the "average student," because of my awful toils living with someone younger than myself last year. I assume I'm the average age but I always forget the first year average age was 2 years older than I was when I started... crazy.
I went to a Democratic Women's club with gram last night. She was adorable. She told everyone she hopes I'll be her future granddaughter in law. I thought that was really sweet. She also helped me find this job. She's someone I really look up to and I know she's grooming me for bigger things.
I am going to try to get on board with shakeology but it's so expensive. I might just make a blended shake full of good shit once a week and work my way up to once a day for starters. I hate that I am the only one on this lousy budget in all realms of my life outside of law school. I don't think people get it all the time, and that's okay, but it makes me bitter sometimes. There are so many things I want to do! I am finally feeling the law school sacrifice.
I hope Joe gets into school. He really wants to move on to the next point in his career, and I can't imagine not being able to yet. I'm trying to be really excited for him and more understanding.
I chopped some of my hair off, and it feels a lot lighter. I like it! But I want it to grown again. I am trying not to dye it either! I really want a couple of highlights... badly.
Anyway, I'm rambling but I figured I would give this blog some TLC because I haven't been <3 wish me luck today bloggies!
Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek. ~Barack Obama
1. I am staying with the boyfriend this summer
2. I will have a paying legal internship that focuses on my favorite class right now
3. My grandma is successfully in a nursing home that focuses on her disease
4. I am most likely going to be on Shakeology next month
I mean, I can't say I'm not happy. I am. But I am so hard on myself that I'm kicking myself for only studying 4-5 hours a day. Usually I pull 7-8 hour days, but this time around I just couldn't do it, and I feel like now I really need to. I can so make dean's list this semester, but I am so burned out from the stress that I cause myself that I'm worried I won't be able to.
I'm extremely proud of myself though. I did not wait on things like I normally do, I got involved with my friends at school this semester (even though that was an internal challenge... it's almost harder to be social after withdrawing for a bit than just working through it to begin with...). I haven't let people take my happiness, and I have been vocal. I think some relationships I have are still in repair but I know that if people are my friends, then the true ones will work it out with me in due time. I'm not going to force myself or try too hard anymore. I'm satisfied where I'm at in life and those who want to join are invited to.
Joe and I are back to where we needed to be. IT IS AWESOME. He took me out on dates this break, and we saw movies. We hung out with our friends in town... We don't bicker all the time. It's amazing. I think we are just so excited to be a normal couple this summer! lol
Murphy will not leave my side. He is obsessed with me and I love it.
Having this interview today, I truly feel motivated again. I feel like I am back on track, and that my resume will be where it needs to be when I graduate. I love that I am appreciated and that my hard work is noticed. I definitely need to work on my stress and nerves; my first interview was painfully awkward. However, I am also really young. I tend to forget that I am a lot younger than the "average student," because of my awful toils living with someone younger than myself last year. I assume I'm the average age but I always forget the first year average age was 2 years older than I was when I started... crazy.
I went to a Democratic Women's club with gram last night. She was adorable. She told everyone she hopes I'll be her future granddaughter in law. I thought that was really sweet. She also helped me find this job. She's someone I really look up to and I know she's grooming me for bigger things.
I am going to try to get on board with shakeology but it's so expensive. I might just make a blended shake full of good shit once a week and work my way up to once a day for starters. I hate that I am the only one on this lousy budget in all realms of my life outside of law school. I don't think people get it all the time, and that's okay, but it makes me bitter sometimes. There are so many things I want to do! I am finally feeling the law school sacrifice.
I hope Joe gets into school. He really wants to move on to the next point in his career, and I can't imagine not being able to yet. I'm trying to be really excited for him and more understanding.
I chopped some of my hair off, and it feels a lot lighter. I like it! But I want it to grown again. I am trying not to dye it either! I really want a couple of highlights... badly.
Anyway, I'm rambling but I figured I would give this blog some TLC because I haven't been <3 wish me luck today bloggies!
Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek. ~Barack Obama
Saturday, February 4, 2012
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