Summer

It finally feels like summer and it ends in a month. So sad. I would write and post more, but this summer is one for the books. I would also probably get in trouble for my posts considering how many things have gone wrong and how impatient I am with characters in my life lol

But this weekend is finally my long-awaited reunion trip with Kim Tucker <3


And my scarecrow dreams,
When they smashed my heart into smithereens,
Be a bright red rose come bursting the concrete.
Be a cartoon heart,
Light a fire, a fire, a spark
Light a fire, a flame in my heart.
We'll run wild,
We'll be glowing in the dark.

Memorial Day Weekend

This weekend was fabulous. I spent it in PA, as everything is ironed out. It finally hit me that it's summer vacation. It seems like my breathing and allergies are finally under control. I have a pretty decent GPA and right now my boyfriend has decided to distract me.... after spending a lovely weekend COMPLETELY outside :) with great friends and family ... made mountain pies by a bonfire and swam in the pool. I went to church to pay homage to our fallen heroes and Thank God for my many many blessings... Life is good, summer is here and I am living my dream life. I wish my health and patience would last while in Grundy, but beggars can't be choosers.

Time to play some of the boss to celebrate the best season of the year: summer :) And I am not not not a lobster! yay
Brucey <3

Sweet, Sweet Victory.

I am now what you would call a 3L.... Holy cow has time flown! I received my grades today and I cannot tell you just how happy I am... I am so relieved that all I want to do is sleep. I got an A- in the class where the exam day I was in the hospital all morning dying. OMG.

I wish I could write more but working for a state level firm is killing me. It is so busy and exciting, quite wonderful, but my body is so relieved from my grades that all I want to do is sleep. I can finally stop worrying for the summer. I raised my GPA and received an A in the area of law I wish to practice.

God is good.

How I feel today.

Summer Vacation

So I must admit, whatever the outcome: 3L or not, I am so proud of myself for working through one of the largest allergy attacks of my life. I have looked up every Sulfa drug or sulfur based drug since this incident and the future doesn't seem as dim. I do need to figure out what exactly my allergies are. The Business and Student Services offices were absolutely delightful and I am so thankful that the women in there are moms, allergy sufferers (only because they understand), and caring southern women. Checking in with them every day to make sure I was okay made Grundy a lot more lovable than the Grundy I experienced last year: Sucks to be you kid.

I was out last night watching the Ranger game with Joe and his Karate family and everyone was asking why I want to be a lawyer. Last year that question was usually responded with a less personal reason: it seemed the right thing to do at the time under grad graduation rolled around. Now, it's: I can't imagine doing anything else. It fulfills a deeper part of me. When everyone asks what type of law I want to do, they get confused. I talk about criminal defense a lot (this is a very prosecution happy town which I like but man, do crim defense get a bad rep). I also talk about government work a lot, and that's because that's my background thus far. Right now though, I'm really into estate planning and helping people plan for their future. It really shouldn't be such a surprise though: I'm super nosy so I want to see where people want to put their things after they die, and I am such a planner, this is the ultimate way to help other people plan, too!

I stick out like a sore thumb in Williamsport, not as badly as in Grundy but oh do I! I am quite liberal and I've reconnected with that side of me. It must be because it is an election year, so the topics are hot and there is buzz everywhere. This is quite a conservative place. I don't understand why: no one is too rich here. Joe's Karate family has done well for themselves so I understand why most of his buddies are fiscally conservative and socially liberal. But after being in town periodically for three years, I do not understand why the rest of the town is Republican. The only thing I can think is that that's what their parents are and the older generation has the money so monkey-see, monkey-do. I am proud to be part of the Democratic Women of Williamsport and my boss is a big supporter!

I was supposed to start work tomorrow but my boss is still out of town, so Thursday is the new start date. I am kinda glad though because the dreams about failing out are just now starting to dissipate. I still worry but it's not like it's been for the last month: waking up in cold sweats, headaches, vomitting, etc. Some ailments were allergy related, others complete stress. It sucks to have your body in disrepair when it is the most important time to be all systems go. So I think, since now I am finally catching up on sleep, finally feeling a little bettter (my muscles are still super sore and my stomach still isn't 100%), Thursday isn't such a bad start date. I can already feel my finals bloating going down! I also don't eat that much so it's no wonder I am feeling lighter.

Joe and I went food shopping yesterday. It was amazing to be in a town with variety. There is a fresh olive bar, hot peppers, all types of cheeses, etc. The thing is, when I have more choices, I satisfy more of my cravings and honestly eat less. It's when I'm in Grundy, I don't have all my comfort foods so I am perpetually uncomfortable with my food cravings and I eat like the Salami Kid from Salute your Shorts... Grundy = Chubby. Summer = Slender. I am working on carrying over some of the good food habits to Grundy but honestly, my focus is passing when I'm in my holler. If I am chubby and do well, woo hoo! Who cares? Joe and I don't live together yet anyway heh heh

Joe and I are making tacos for everyone tonight. We went all out because I was super excited to see a real Spanish section. Adobo, Sazon, chiles, kidney beans, nom nom nom. So everyone is in for a treat tonight! I am very thankful I can stay here, even though Joe's job is perpetually pissing us off. They just gave Joe the night shift.... thank GOD we live together for this summer. He will be at work from 11am-8pm, but at least it's not a graveyard shift. It's just very timing that they do this once I am in town. I couldn't imagine working at EPA and having this schedule shift... we'd have to wait til the weekends to talk.

Speaking of weekends, I have practically zero to myself. It seems like most of my weekends this summer require travel and only two of them are for things I set up for myself: Chicago and DC :) Everything else is for someone else's wedding, birthday, etc. I am trying not to let it stress me out, but financially I'm in the red and quite frankly, Joe and I have so much excitement going on with me going into my last year of school and Joe... JOE GOT INTO A PROGRAM FULL RIDE FULL STIPEND and you'd never know because Joe is the one who has to bring it up for any attention about it. It's kinda annoying. Unless you're getting married in this town, it's like "oh wow, you're smart? high-five..." what!? So I am excited to turn some of these weekends about everyone else into weekends for us. We are gonna treat each time we travel to celebrate someone else as a weekend get away. We will be present for the major events and the things we RSVP'd for but other than that, it's our time. We are a long distance couple that barely gets any recognition for being awesome, so we are just gonna enjoy our time together. If something gets too stressful, we will walk away.

What I don't think other people understand is that Joe and I have to watch our budget. Travel is a priority for us because we do live so far away. Joe and I are also going to be living on our own NEXT YEAR. So saving for real estate, bills, etc. is wildly important. We don't care about getting married tomorrow, if that's what everyone wants, sorry. I want Joe to save for that nice rock ;) lol Just kidding, sorta. But our focus isn't on wedding, even though we might want it to be, so being thrown in a season of weddings that are way out of our budget to even attend (hotels that cost $400 a night, airplane tickets of $400, etc.) is nothing short of overwhelming and I don't think family and friends get that. Our resistance has nothing to do with celebrating, we are so excited for everyone! Our reluctance to go all out has to do with being fiscally responsible and focusing on us and our future for a change, because one year is NOTHING. We just really wish that people were more understanding without being condescending or bitchy. We don't have the money tree everyone else seems to plant. I seriously think we have a dogwood!

I cannot wait to spend time with Candy Rivera <3

Murphy will be two in September and it freaks me out! He is such a mama's boy. Joe said that Murphy doesn't cuddle with him, or play with him incessantly. Murphy is my little shadow, who is not so little anymore. Last night, Murphy had his head on my shoulder while snuggled in a ball next to me snoring. I am going to try to make Murphy comfortable with being mushy with Joe. I just think they need to bond the way Murphy and I bond. Joe took Murphy to this great training program and it honestly did help us handle Murphy so much better. However, some things you can't fix about a dog and I firmly believe that. Like, at the end of the day, Murphy is still a growing puppy right now. He's calmed down some since we first got him, but that energy he has is insane. I think Murphy will always be organically hyper and that mellow will not be his thing until he's much older. I keep telling Joe that he is going to miss Murphy's goofy antics once they stop. It's just sad because Murphy is so big and he doesn't see that he is, so most of the damage is accidentally done when Murphy doesn't know his clearance! Murphy listens to me though so we have to get Joe team Murphy-Katie there.

My trip to NY was fabulous. I am very thankful for Jessica, a great friend who took me to the airport. We had a funny car ride. I learned about Cowboy driving and we chatted about all the craziness we experienced this semester. It was nice to just let loose with a girl friend who judges the same way I do! I was so nervous to fly alone that I couldn't even eat my Panera sandwich! That never happens lol I had to do my very first lay-over by myself. I know that sounds super childish, but I don't like to fly so that was momentous for me. I put on my big girl pants and sat in an airport! Luckily my layover was in Charlotte and I was there for Moot Court already. I knew the airport so I wasn't soooo freaked out. I flew into JFK circa 12am. I cried like a baby when I landed. I was so happy to see my family and smell that NY stank :P My mom was over joyed to see me because it must've been so scary to be far from your daughter with SJS. I had a cannoli once I got home (omfg delicious) and passed out til 9am... the beginning of the sleeping in! Went and got my nails done the next morning with my mom: french mani, pink pedi, and eyebrows = 30 dollars. HELL YES. It was so nice to have a NY mani pedi day. We actually ran into Carolyn! Very funny. I wasn't sure I was going to have time to see her so that was a nice surprise.

Then Joe got into town. I immediately am a happier person when he's around. I had everyone I care and love for under one roof. It was great. We ran some errands and then saw "The Avengers." The movie was epic. I didn't even know what I got myself into. All I knew was that Robert Downey Junior was in it and he is one handsome man. We stayed through the credits to watch the extra scenes... so good! I am officially the BIGGEST Iron Man fan ever... well no, I didn't dress up or anything but I do love Iron Man more than everyone else. Then the best part of my weekend happened: Joe and I went to TGI Friday's with Annie, Bobby and Ryan :) My St. James crew. I love those people so much! I am so happy Ryan did NOT move to Texas yet! Woops. Annie will always be my partner in crime and Bobby, Bobby and I could honestly be related the way we are both down for the count all the time. It was my family I chose for myself. I loved every minute of our time there. I had a nice big Cinco de Mayo margarita with my friends and we were dirty stay outs til 1am! Haven't done that in awhile!

I think that no matter where I go, I will always have Bobby, Ryan, and Miss Anna. We've been friends for almost 18 years... crazy. I really think it's because we all met at Church and were really involved in the Church. Importantly, we all stayed involved in the church. Our parents may have been over involved or too much to handle sometimes but they did a great job with us. At the end of the day, I will always make time for my St. James friends (that I stayed in touch with). But even if someone from Antioch/Discovery needed something, I would help. Our parish was just that way. Joe even said, "You're so different when you're home with these people. You're at ease and you're so happy." It's true. Love them! Irina, Jess and Melissa have become that for me in law school. Irina and Sean are officially engaged as of Saturday and I am so happy for them. I think most people hate on them because they don't understand it and because they are jealous. I admit I had both of those sentiments when they first started dating and I felt like I was losing a friend. But I learned, being team-couple and being supportive is so much more fun and easier than being protective. And honestly, people will come and go naturally. By just being there for each other, Joe and I have a real, great couple to hang with in Grundy now! No drama, no cheating, it's refreshing lol They're both Christian, with loving families, and values like us... It's so exciting and we can't wait to share their special day!

Well NY, that was the perfect dose of home. I saw everyone I needed to in a short but blissful outing, and then moved on to the next chapter: Summer Internship!

But I guess I should press my suits or something. I woke up about an hour ago because we watched the Ranger game last night... GO RANGERS! I was so proud I was crying. I love my hockey team and now that Joe loves them, too, #%&$*%^* YES! lol I cannot wait to see what this summer has in store for us! I will do my best to keep you posted. Now that I am in the real world, bloggees, it is difficult for me to find the time to sit and type. I am sure that on the weekends, Joe will not want me typing synopses of our lives; He'll just want me to live them. But I will have pictures and tid-bits for yas! Have a great week and remember you matter!

A song that fits my life!

Shingles? Rash? Idk

So I promised myself I would document when weird health things happen to me. I don't remember my last post, but if you need an update, I was in the hospital the morning of my first final exam. I'm sure some think panic or it's in my head... no. I woke up with anaphylaxis and it felt like there were knives in my body. I rushed myself to the doctor who's been dealing with me since I had this staph thing go on. I basically haven't felt well since Easter.

Turns out I had welts all up and down my trunk and legs. Luckily my arms were only slightly broken out and I wound up with only two hives on my face. The doctor who took care of my staph rushed me to the hospital. I hate when doctors don't tell you what's going on because it is really scary. You know something is wrong because they are looking at you like you're an exotic, dangerous animal but they don't tell you what's going on because if they do, you might panic and exacerbate the situation.

So at the second doctor, I was admitted to the hospital for "uncontrollable allergies/shingles" as my tag said. I looked down and about freaked. They gave me some hardcore benadryl and I had to wait three hours to be reevaluated. Little did I know, the doctor was in her office consulting with my allergy specialist in Bristol on what to do with me. Luckily I had my files sent to the other doctor I saw prior to being admitted, who then forwarded my medical info to this doctor who knew to call someone with a specialty in allergy and asthma.

It was getting close to exam time and I had to go because if I missed, fail. I was not about to fail the one subject I've really become passionate about and have been studying hardcore for for two months. I worked on my outline, made flashcards, did CALI lessons, etc... I pulled late nights with this class and had a study group three times a week. I was so nervous that I wouldn't be able to take this exam, of all the exams it had to be this one, because the hospital was freaking out that I was having a "syndrome." They wouldn't release me, so I walked out.

I WAS SO SCARED. I've never done that in my life. I literally called down the hall "I'm leaving for my exam now." I cried, I cried, I cried. I think people thought I was panicked about the exam. I was, but for different reasons. I had to sit for this exam on approx. 80 mg of benadryl. I had to fight to have my epi-pen, inhaler, benadryl, and water signed off on. Student services didn't even want me to take the exam but I knew if I waited to see if I could defer, I may have wasted exam time. See, you have to find the dean of the school, explain your case then see if he'll sign off on it. He was MIA and the exam was going to start and I didn't want to wait for his potential approval and either spend all my time waiting on his presence, or wait and then be rejected. So I sat.

I had great motivation though. My friend sat for the exam and he had emergency surgery the night before. The two of us were on the hospital express bus to take this awful thing. I finally calmed down enough to sit and I sat in front of a registered nurse in our class. She assured me if I started to go into anaphylaxis, that she'd pause and inject me with an epi-pen. We had a pow-wow with the exam proctors on what to do in case I needed emergency medical services. I felt bad for everyone because it was obvious I was not okay but no one knew what was really going on with me, I didn't even know because I left the hospital before I had a true diagnosis.

Well I sat and finished and the rest is in God's hands on that exam. I prayed a special prayer all week that my dad gave me, for helpless causes. I hope that I've changed my ways enough to receive some blessing on that exam. I already think the lesson was that the people who you think hate on you might not, and will really help you when you're in need. I love going to school with non-traditional students because honestly a lot of them are mothers. It was really hard to show how vulnerable I was before the exam. I am very thankful for the director of student services because she really reached out to me and helped me. I cried while rocking in a rocking chair hugging my laptop unable to form words, sobbing because I was in so much pain. All I really wanted was my mom. It doesn't hit you that you're at a distance from your family until you are really sick and alone.

That's why I loved having moms around. I had someone I thought was just low life, come and hug me and say she'd say a prayer for me because she'd never seen me that down before. I mean I was really embarrassed that I couldn't get it together. I just felt these knives in my legs, trunk, and spine. Once the exam let out, I thanked everyone who really made a difference before the exam. I ran to my car, ran to Rite-Aid, filled my prescription and put the medicated cream on right away. I went home after picking up what I call a "pity pizza" and popped an atarax... aka horse tranq and went to sleep.

Joe came the next day and luckily my rash was less vile, even though he still shed a tear when he saw how bad it was the third day from its inception. I'm really blessed to have him though. He is the best support a woman can have. He made me stop studying, sit down, and tell him what happened. Joe didn't let me sit very long. We slept then the next day got a real diagnosis on this. I had Stevenson-Johnson syndrome... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stevens%E2%80%93Johnson_syndrome

And we caught it right away. I am so blessed that the medicines are working but I am petrified that something might go wrong. I am taking medicine that is making my welts look normal (not purple and they haven't spread!) and the atarax is meeting the antigens and killing it. I am SO LUCKY. I am proud that I was proactive and I am thankful that growing up my mom only took us to doctors who taught how to cope and deal with allergies. I am usually bad about going to the doctor but I knew something was seriously wrong. If I had waited, I could've died and that's what really scares me.

This situation makes me a little sad that my desire to transfer wasn't honored. A lot of my pains from last year were social, but at the end of the day, I am always uptight because things like this happen to me. This isn't normal and it's scary to be far away from your friends and family when you are seriously suffering. I am so lucky to be alive and I just wish I was thrown a bone and didn't get the wrong admission letter last time. I know God has a plan for me but I really want this trial and tribulation to end.

I am so lucky Joe came and made me take a breath. He reassured me that I started hardcore studying much earlier than my fellow classmates and that I know my material. I just need to slow down and let my exams show I wasn't like this all semester. I can't even begin to describe how frustrating it is to work so hard and then have to work even harder than everyone else because my body is super-sensitive. I liken it to ADD or ADHD but without the glamour of a pill that can fix it and in all seriousness, you don't run the risk of not breathing everyday from ADD. I don't get a special room, or extra time. I get an obstacle to beg for medicine while I take an exam. I know this will only make me a better person in the end and I know that law is not an easy profession, I am excited to overcome hurdles. I just wish I had a break from allergies. In all seriousness, this was the most painful experience I've had since my bee sting at age 7. I don't know if I can take another round of this, but if that's what being a lawyer means, I guess I'll have to prove myself through another near-death experience.

I cannot WAIT to fly out of this godforsaken town on Friday and see my family, boyfriend, and doctors at home. 1 down, 2 to go!

Rashes and Panic.

So, I was in the hospital all morning yesterday. I woke up and I was covered in hives and couldn't breathe.... I was so scared. Usually, I don't mind that I'm away from my family. My homesickness spikes at finals, for sure because I am stressed. However, there is nothing like going through anaphylaxis alone. It is the scariest thing ever. I woke up and felt like someone was choking me.

So I went to the local hospital just because I had an exam later and couldn't drive much further than that anyway. Well, what a morning. I'm allergic to Sulfur-based antibiotics, we learned.  Covered head to toe in purple welts. I cried the whole morning because I really thought I was dying... in the local hospital... before an exam. The doctor kept wanting to give me this steroid I'm also allergic to. She was great but not in the doctor knowledge realm, just patient care. She wound up calling my doctor in TN for advice, and he said the usual: atarax, a different steroid cream, and benadryl.

I fought to be released from the hospital to take my exam. The doctors did not want me to leave. I wound up unplugging myself and going to the exam and then once there, not only was I drugged up, I just had a huge panic attack because I wasn't feeling well and didn't want to fail because I was sick.

I was signed off to take my exam with my three emergency medications and luckily I sat in front of a registered nurse during the exam. I also had to have water with me since I had 80 mg of benadryl in my system and was dehydrating. But I did it, and I failed I'm sure. It's just so scary because that's what I want to do from now on. I really love Estate Planning and I just hope my grade doesn't prohibit me from pursuing that goal.

I came home, put as much steroid on myself as I could, took my atarax, and passed out. I was asleep by 9pm and woke up at 7am. I took another atarax and woke up at 9am... so 12 hours of sleep. My rash is still spreading a little but its not as purple. It's just red and I can feel my pulse through it... annoying. I can't wait for Joe to get here just so I can feel like god forbid something happens, Joe will be here to help me. But I have to make up for my lost 12 hours!

Relief.

So tomorrow is my first final. Holy crap. I have been studying for this one exam as if it were my only class! It scares me how much information we need to know. But I did speak with our professor for 3 hours yesterday and hashed out every concept I had even the slightest confusion about, and I stayed on campus and read our entire required text until I felt comfortable again... turns out, I am AOK. Oxford said that I was struggling because there is more to the general concepts he's introduced us to and I want the whole enchilada. He's really excited to work with me next year in his Estate Planning class and I can't wait to take it! I feel better, but who knows until the exam. Time to review chapter 7-9 again and do some hypos! Cheerio :)