So I promised myself I would document when weird health things happen to me. I don't remember my last post, but if you need an update, I was in the hospital the morning of my first final exam. I'm sure some think panic or it's in my head... no. I woke up with anaphylaxis and it felt like there were knives in my body. I rushed myself to the doctor who's been dealing with me since I had this staph thing go on. I basically haven't felt well since Easter.
Turns out I had welts all up and down my trunk and legs. Luckily my arms were only slightly broken out and I wound up with only two hives on my face. The doctor who took care of my staph rushed me to the hospital. I hate when doctors don't tell you what's going on because it is really scary. You know something is wrong because they are looking at you like you're an exotic, dangerous animal but they don't tell you what's going on because if they do, you might panic and exacerbate the situation.
So at the second doctor, I was admitted to the hospital for "uncontrollable allergies/shingles" as my tag said. I looked down and about freaked. They gave me some hardcore benadryl and I had to wait three hours to be reevaluated. Little did I know, the doctor was in her office consulting with my allergy specialist in Bristol on what to do with me. Luckily I had my files sent to the other doctor I saw prior to being admitted, who then forwarded my medical info to this doctor who knew to call someone with a specialty in allergy and asthma.
It was getting close to exam time and I had to go because if I missed, fail. I was not about to fail the one subject I've really become passionate about and have been studying hardcore for for two months. I worked on my outline, made flashcards, did CALI lessons, etc... I pulled late nights with this class and had a study group three times a week. I was so nervous that I wouldn't be able to take this exam, of all the exams it had to be this one, because the hospital was freaking out that I was having a "syndrome." They wouldn't release me, so I walked out.
I WAS SO SCARED. I've never done that in my life. I literally called down the hall "I'm leaving for my exam now." I cried, I cried, I cried. I think people thought I was panicked about the exam. I was, but for different reasons. I had to sit for this exam on approx. 80 mg of benadryl. I had to fight to have my epi-pen, inhaler, benadryl, and water signed off on. Student services didn't even want me to take the exam but I knew if I waited to see if I could defer, I may have wasted exam time. See, you have to find the dean of the school, explain your case then see if he'll sign off on it. He was MIA and the exam was going to start and I didn't want to wait for his potential approval and either spend all my time waiting on his presence, or wait and then be rejected. So I sat.
I had great motivation though. My friend sat for the exam and he had emergency surgery the night before. The two of us were on the hospital express bus to take this awful thing. I finally calmed down enough to sit and I sat in front of a registered nurse in our class. She assured me if I started to go into anaphylaxis, that she'd pause and inject me with an epi-pen. We had a pow-wow with the exam proctors on what to do in case I needed emergency medical services. I felt bad for everyone because it was obvious I was not okay but no one knew what was really going on with me, I didn't even know because I left the hospital before I had a true diagnosis.
Well I sat and finished and the rest is in God's hands on that exam. I prayed a special prayer all week that my dad gave me, for helpless causes. I hope that I've changed my ways enough to receive some blessing on that exam. I already think the lesson was that the people who you think hate on you might not, and will really help you when you're in need. I love going to school with non-traditional students because honestly a lot of them are mothers. It was really hard to show how vulnerable I was before the exam. I am very thankful for the director of student services because she really reached out to me and helped me. I cried while rocking in a rocking chair hugging my laptop unable to form words, sobbing because I was in so much pain. All I really wanted was my mom. It doesn't hit you that you're at a distance from your family until you are really sick and alone.
That's why I loved having moms around. I had someone I thought was just low life, come and hug me and say she'd say a prayer for me because she'd never seen me that down before. I mean I was really embarrassed that I couldn't get it together. I just felt these knives in my legs, trunk, and spine. Once the exam let out, I thanked everyone who really made a difference before the exam. I ran to my car, ran to Rite-Aid, filled my prescription and put the medicated cream on right away. I went home after picking up what I call a "pity pizza" and popped an atarax... aka horse tranq and went to sleep.
Joe came the next day and luckily my rash was less vile, even though he still shed a tear when he saw how bad it was the third day from its inception. I'm really blessed to have him though. He is the best support a woman can have. He made me stop studying, sit down, and tell him what happened. Joe didn't let me sit very long. We slept then the next day got a real diagnosis on this. I had Stevenson-Johnson syndrome... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stevens%E2%80%93Johnson_syndrome
And we caught it right away. I am so blessed that the medicines are working but I am petrified that something might go wrong. I am taking medicine that is making my welts look normal (not purple and they haven't spread!) and the atarax is meeting the antigens and killing it. I am SO LUCKY. I am proud that I was proactive and I am thankful that growing up my mom only took us to doctors who taught how to cope and deal with allergies. I am usually bad about going to the doctor but I knew something was seriously wrong. If I had waited, I could've died and that's what really scares me.
This situation makes me a little sad that my desire to transfer wasn't honored. A lot of my pains from last year were social, but at the end of the day, I am always uptight because things like this happen to me. This isn't normal and it's scary to be far away from your friends and family when you are seriously suffering. I am so lucky to be alive and I just wish I was thrown a bone and didn't get the wrong admission letter last time. I know God has a plan for me but I really want this trial and tribulation to end.
I am so lucky Joe came and made me take a breath. He reassured me that I started hardcore studying much earlier than my fellow classmates and that I know my material. I just need to slow down and let my exams show I wasn't like this all semester. I can't even begin to describe how frustrating it is to work so hard and then have to work even harder than everyone else because my body is super-sensitive. I liken it to ADD or ADHD but without the glamour of a pill that can fix it and in all seriousness, you don't run the risk of not breathing everyday from ADD. I don't get a special room, or extra time. I get an obstacle to beg for medicine while I take an exam. I know this will only make me a better person in the end and I know that law is not an easy profession, I am excited to overcome hurdles. I just wish I had a break from allergies. In all seriousness, this was the most painful experience I've had since my bee sting at age 7. I don't know if I can take another round of this, but if that's what being a lawyer means, I guess I'll have to prove myself through another near-death experience.
I cannot WAIT to fly out of this godforsaken town on Friday and see my family, boyfriend, and doctors at home. 1 down, 2 to go!
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